I don’t make promises I can’t keep

Because the universe has s hilarious sense of humor, I was forced to sign this health pledge for my son’s school.

Let me just say I love his school. I love his teachers. We adore his physical education teacher and counselors and principal and whoever else might be responsible for this. I don’t even have any ill feelings about the hospital behind this campaign.

So please understand this post is mainly about me and my grouchy attitude at having to sign pledges, especially ones with corporate names attached to them.

Of course I signed it. Do you think I’m going to send my baby to school with an unsigned pledge so he can be some kind of helpless child of weirdo parents? I mean, more than usual.

Oh believe me, I have the same grouchy attitude during Red Ribbon Week. It all feels less based on data and more based on… I don’t know…uniformity of thought? “All in all, it’s just another brick in the wall,” and so on.

Well. He didn’t come by his inquisitive mind by accident.

It does say we will “do our best,” but still. I’m just not a fan of pledges. Pledges make me kind of want to do the opposite of what you want me to do.

I’m sure this rebellion is NOT AT ALL tied into my dieting and food issues.


But getting back to the reason this is so hilarious: I maybe sort of possibly indicated last night that I was going to turn over a new leaf and start going back to the gym today.

So, let’s check in with that, shall we?

6:30 a.m.: I did not want to, but I ate my probiotic and drank hot water before starting my coffee. And put on soothing music because I could feel myself getting triggered by the breakfast-related whining.

I’m not saying I’m proud, just recording this for posterity, to show that, clearly, I can do the right thing even when I don’t really want to. I am a creature rules by her feelings, so baby steps are a big deal.

8:15 a.m.: on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being highly motivated and 1 being “nah-ma-stay-in-bed,” how am I feeling? About a negative 1.

8:30 a.m.: have swimsuit on, feeling about a 2, but now committed to going because, well, I put my suit on.

9:15 am: feeling not amused by the fanfare at the front desk of the gym at seeing my ghostly face again. They’re my friends so they can handle my evil eye.

As I’m walking the hall to the locker room, I see that it’s learn-to-Swim week, and there’s one lap lane open. So apparently I was motivated enough to high tail it down there and throw on my cap & goggles and get my butt in the water. This, despite my preference to never swim in a lane flanked by second graders on one side and parents & teachers on the other side. A lane is a lane, baby.

So I did it. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t stop to shave. My breathing and form was a joke. I lasted for 20 minutes before feeling dehydrated. And then, when I got out and weighed and measured myself, I wanted to barf. But, I did it. And the water was enough resistance to work out my pissy attitude.

I’m not going to PLEDGE to repeat more of the same tomorrow, because I think we could use fewer promises of loyalty and public pledges of fealty, and more just being calm and listening to what your body needs.

Until tomorrow…

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